Catch a Tiger by the Toe
by greenikat89
Summary: Oneshot: Due to an accident gone wrong, Eames has been turned into a tiger. Surprisingly, things aren't that different around the warehouse save for a deeply put upon Cobb. Eames/Arthur


**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything. I just play in the sandbox.

**Warnings: **OOC, crack, slash.

_A/N: _Another story I found based off of the Inception kink meme I did years ago and thought I'd share. This is more of a short series of events than an actual story.

Prompt: Crack!cat prompt. Eames forges a big cat (tiger/cougar/leopard/some-couple-hundred-pound-cat/IDEK) and doesn't change back after waking up. Nor does he remember being human. Cue everyone trying to deal with 300 lb Eames!cat. Maybe Cobb is allergic and Eames promptly rubs all on his pants and sheds in his suitcase! (CATS CAN SMELL THE ALLERGIC ONES, I SWEAR) Maybe Yusuf gives him laced catnip! Maybe he licks all of Arthur's pomade out of the can! Rips up Saito's carpet! Chases the strings of Ariande's scarf! But at night he ends up in Arthurs bed, cuddling him and licking his face. And purring like a champ.

How you want him to change back, I leave it to you anon. Maybe the first attempt at the change back fails and he turns physically into a human...but still thinks hes a cat? Or he wakes up naked in Arthur's bed with surprise sexytimes? (top!eames please :D)

* * *

><p><strong>Cobb:<strong>

Cobb was not the happiest person when he woke up from a successful dream extraction to find a 400 pound Siberian tiger rubbing up against his side. His nose itched and his eyes watered as he leveled a squinty-eyed glare at an amused Yusuf. "Fix this," he stated and tried to push the purring cat away from him. Half his side was coated in fur that he knew from past experience would not come off and would get _everywhere_ in the warehouse.

Yusuf scratched his head and looked at the tiger with a calculating look, and Cobb could practically _see_ the experiments whirring around in his head. "You know tigers are really good for-"

"Fix this," Cobb stated again with a violent sneeze. He didn't care about the hows and whys of Eames retaining his cat from but he wanted it undone. They were in the middle of an important job and needed the forger back to his normal self. That, and Cobb really didn't want to have to put up with an even bigger irritating Eames than he strictly had to.

He nearly tripped walking out the door when Eames rubbed up against his legs as if to evenly distribute his fur on both sides of Cobb. The man sneezed again and shot an irritated look at a grinning cat who looked distinctly pleased with himself. There was a reason he hated cats.

* * *

><p><strong>Yusuf:<strong>

Having Eames stuck as a giant tiger wasn't entirely bad. Aside from the fact the team had to put their mission on hold (and Cobb alternately glaring and sneezing at everyone), Yusuf was gathering incredibly useful data about the effects of his special chemical compounds on animals. Not to say that he had ever entertained the thought of animal testing, as he'd hastily assured an irate Ariadne, but this was a necessity. He needed to run different types of trials on Eames the Tiger to get him back to his relatively normal self. He was doing _science. _

For instance, he found out within the first day that Eames had no recollection of his former self as a human. He turned his nose up at Eames' favorite paisley print shirt (in favor of shedding all over Cobb's clothes). He lounged about all day idly chewing on Saito's expensive rug (which he later threw up in Cobb's briefcase). And he ate raw meat with an almost animalistic delight (when he wasn't getting into Cobb's much needed coffee). Although occasionally Eames the Tiger liked to playfully stalk Arthur as if he were some kind of prey which was, well, actually not that much different than when he was as a human.

On the whole, Yusuf concluded that Cobb's face was going to implode if he kept squinting in anger whenever Eames the Tiger got near him. Oh. And that more testing needed to be done to change Eames back. Which was why he was hunched over his notebook furiously scribbling away as he observed the reaction Eames the Tiger had to drug-laced catnip.

Apparently the answer wasn't good.

There was a heavy thump and then a crash as the tiger drowsily ran into Cobb's desk and knocked over the ceramic mug that had been sitting on the edge of the it. Cobb threw up his hands and scowled to the world at large from his huddled position in his office chair at the far corner of the warehouse. Yusuf thought he could hear Cobb mutter a "fix this" but decided to ignore it in favor of carefully putting a check mark next to "KNOCK OVER COBB'S COFFEE."

He wondered what else he could make Eames the Tiger do in the name of science.

* * *

><p><strong>Ariadne:<strong>

Ever since she was little Ariadne had always wanted a cat. She used to draw pictures in her notebooks about her and the cat (Mr. Whiskers as she liked to call him) going on fantastic adventures. However, neither of her parents were animal people and thought pets were best left to other people, so she had to make do with her stuffed animals. However, having a giant Siberian tiger as a temporary adopted pet was well worth the wait of a pet-less childhood.

She felt a tug on the end of her scarf and looked down to see Mr. Whiskers (as she'd secretly named Eames) chewing on the strings of her favorite yellow and blue scarf. She gave a secret smile and scratched the tiger behind one of his ears. "You silly thing," she cooed and kneeled down on the concrete floor to gently pull her scarf from between Mr. Whiskers' sharp teeth. "You know I can't play now; Cobb gave me a job to do."

She was supposed to be building another level of the dream for their current project that was temporarily on hold. However, Mr. Whiskers kept stealing her blocks and gnawing on them as if they were play toys when he wasn't batting the strings of her long scarf like a docile house cat.

Mournful brown eyes looked up at her and Ariadne could swear there was almost a pout curling the corners of the tiger's lips. "No," she said firmly and tucked her scarf around her neck and out of reach of Mr. Whiskers' curious paws. "No more adventures." The large ears drooped and his tail flicked sadly behind him.

The girl sighed and looked around the room before setting down her blocks. Cobb was sulking at home, Yusuf had been kicked out of the warehouse for doing experiments on Eames, and Arthur was god knows where. "Okay, one more time," she said excitedly and Mr. Whiskers got up on all fours so she could sit astride his back.

Mr. Whiskers yowled happily that mingled with Ariadne's laughter as the pair lunged forward into adventure with her scarf fluttering behind her like a banner.

* * *

><p><strong>Arthur:<strong>

"I hope you're happy," Arthur grumbled to the tiger curled up on the floor watching him. "I won't be able to sleep properly until you're back to normal." The tiger had taken a strong liking to him ever since they'd come back from dream sharing. Eames would aggravate Cobb, play with Ariadne, be used as a test subject for Yusuf, and occasionally entertain Saito when the man dropped by, but the tiger would always keep Arthur in sight. The team had thought nothing of it until Eames had torn up the warehouse when everyone had gone home for the night. Somehow, the tiger had gotten out and wandered to where Arthur had lived, giving Eames-patented tiger yowls at the bottom of the apartment stairs and generally creating a nuisance until Arthur had come out. The story had been on the news for two days before the public outcry had gone down, and during that time Saito had decided to buy the entire building next to the warehouse to create a tiger haven. A tiger haven that somehow Arthur had been forced to sleep in as well until Eames returned to normal.

Arthur pulled back the expensive velvet comforter of the massive, circular bed and slid into the equally expensive silk sheets (because Saito was not a man to do things by halves). No sooner had he settled amidst the thirty million throw pillows when Eames jumped up on the bed and slunk over towards him. Arthur had just enough time to move his legs when the tiger dropped down onto the bed as close as possible to him and placed his heavy head in Arthur's lap.

"I'm not petting you," Arthur stated and leaned over to reach his dream theory book that he'd left on the nightstand. Eames had a tendency to purr like a lawnmower whenever Arthur petted him, sometimes even opening his mouth in a happy yawn and blasting Arthur in the face with tuna and coffee breath (Cobb should really stop buying coffee when he knew Eames was going to steal it). He pulled out his reading glasses from the breast pocket of his pajamas and settled them on his nose, firmly trying to ignore the whining tiger in favor of a little late night reading.

He didn't get very far before Eames grumbled and nudged the book with his head, one massive paw reaching out to paw Arthur's leg. Arthur flipped another page in his book and pushed the paw away. "No." Eames' ears twitched and his tail flicked out behind him as if in thought. He nudged Arthur's book a little bit harder this time and whined again. Arthur lightly bopped him on the nose. "Behave, Mr. Eames."

The tiger scowled and completely knocked the book out of Arthur's hands. He looked up at the man as if to say: _Now what, darling? _and Arthur gave a long suffering sigh with a roll of his eyes. "And Yusuf said you have no memories as a human," he muttered but scratched at the tiger's ear. "You're certainly as annoying as you ever are."

Eames gave a happy grin and nuzzled his palm, every so often licking at Arthur's fingers with a warm, wet tongue. Arthur tried not to smile and went back to reading while petting Eames with one hand.

* * *

><p><strong>Eames<strong>

Waking up naked and curled around a lightly snoring Arthur certainly wasn't the worst scenarios that's ever happened to him. Actually, it might be one of the best and Eames almost wanted to grab his totem to make sure he wasn't dreaming. The cat ears and tiger tail on the other hand, yeah, that probably ranked up there with the weirdest. However, Eames had bigger priorities on his mind other than where the tiger appendages attached to him came from in favor of having a bit of fun with a sleeping Arthur.

"Arthur," he cooed and stroked a hand down the side of the man's face.

The brunet faintly scrunched his nose up at the touch. "Mmpghh….tuna," he responded muzzily and turned away from him.

Eames pouted and his ear twitched because that certainly didn't sound like some kinky code word for "Yes Eames, take me right here!" In fact it sounded like Arthur might have some bizarre early morning craving for fish when clearly he was supposed to want sex. Preferably morning sex. With him. Well no matter, maybe his darling Arthur needed a little encouragement.

He quickly discovered that his nails were like sharp little claws, and it was easy work shredding Arthur's pajama top (that he took a strange, happy delight from the destruction). He nuzzled Arthur's bare shoulder and nipped at the pale skin with pointed teeth. The other man moaned in pleasure and Eames' tail bobbed excitedly behind him. Blankets were pushed aside as Eames licked and licked and licked the curves of Arthur's throat while his hands were busy tugging down Arthur's pants.

Eames blinked in surprise when he was bopped on the nose. "Bad kitty," Arthur mumbled sleepily.

Oh, so it was like that, hm? Eames quickly grabbed Arthur's wrists and pinned them against the headboard, pulling Arthur onto his back and pressing his full weight on top of the other man. "I can be a much naughtier kitten, love," he purred against Arthur's ear.

Arthur's body tensed and his eyes snapped open, silently taking in the ear and the bobbing tiger tail before relaxing under him. "I see one of Yusuf's experiments partially worked."

"You don't like my new look?" Eames teased and bent his head down to nip at that slender neck again. He could see Arthur open his mouth in protest and Eames wiggled his tail between them to stroke against the man's hardening erection. He watched Arthur's expression change to one of pleasure and took it as a silent sign stating: Yes Eames, take me right now!

Neither of the men worried about getting rid of Eames' tiger appendages until much, much later.


End file.
